Monday, January 2, 2012

I Appreciate You.

Dear Under Appreciated Fellows in the Hallway that Are Often Called Wanna Be Gangstas,

I would just like to take a moment to say that unlike most people, I realize you are just misunderstood, and are in fact very unappreciated for all that you do for society. I am able to come up with new reasons to want to go up to you and give you a thank you hug in the halls every time you pass by me.

Firstly, when I see you in the hall with your your pants around your knees, I know you are a true man. It does make me sad to see that the belt you slung through the holes of your pants is letting you down, because you tried to keep your pants up where it's decent. The truth is that your belt just can't handle your manly parts well enough, so it stays well past it, around your knees. It is afraid of how manly you are, how macho. I can appreciate that.

Secondly, when I watch you struggle along down the hallway, walking with your legs wide apart and slightly bent at the knees, it hits me...what they taught me in Biology about evolution is true. How can it not be? If only your arms were a little longer, the image of the monkeys at the zoo would be able to replace you perfectly. Watching you shows me that evolution is real, and there are still some ape-ish qualities about man, and that's okay.

Thirdly, you help my health. Even though I was a little annoyed at first when I got home from school and realized the device I keep attached to my sneakers at all times to help measure my average walking speed during the day measured at -10.7 cm/s, I quickly remembered that I had been trailing behind Master Pimpdawg. I then felt an overwhelming sense of relief; the doctor had told me to make sure I walked slowly so that I didn't overwork my heart. You're just trying to help me out, aren't you? You're so sneaky.

I hope people learn to appreciate you more, like I do.

Much love,

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