Monday, December 26, 2011

Chills & thrills

I glanced over at my phone. It read 3:04 AM. I couldn't help but let out a little chuckle; and you thought you were going to get to bed early tonight.

I brought my hands up and rubbed my tired eyes. Even shutting them for a second made me feel like I could prop my face up on my elbows and have the best sleep ever right there; right on top of the dining room table that was used for homework and not eating, on top of my half edited essay that was due tomorrow. 

Why do I procrastinate? Why in the world do I do this to myself?

Well. No time to think of that now. I have to get back to work. I stayed up in the dining room because if I were to go into my room, the temptation to "just lay down on my bed for ooonneee second" would be much to great, and it would be time to rise and shine for a lovely school day before I'd know it. 

I reached over to my laptop, thinking that if I typed my new essay as I edited, I might be done sooner (3 AM reasonings are always hilarious). Clack clack clack. I typed away on the keyboard, not really caring if the sentences were only half coherent. I. Just. Want. To. Be. Done. 

I'm always so jealous of everyone that gets to go to bed before me. My little siblings that complain about my mom making them go to bed at 9...I wish she would force me to go to bed at that time. Oh well. As soon as I get done with this, the sooner I can go to sleep too.

It's so dark in the house. Every single light is off except for the room I'm sitting in. It's kind of eerie...someone could poke their head around and into the room, and I would have a heart attack because of the surprise factor advantage they'd have. I try not to think of this, I get scared so easily.

"Fatima..." I hear a voice say. My heart starts pounding. I heard it as clear as day, winding up the stairs like my mom was calling me from her room in the basement. "Fa...ti...maaa...." There it was again.

Oh God.

My heart starts pounding, not just in my chest, but in my stomach and my head, in my legs and arms and trembling hands. I am going into my room right this second. I quickly pack up my stuff and make my way down the stairs, shooting suspicious glances over my shoulder and walking along the walls with my back to them spy-style. 

The basement is pitch black, and when I flip my bedroom light on, shadows scurry around outside my room, lurking...

So..that was my rushed attempt at scaring you guys. Did it work? Probably not. I don't blame you though. I just wanted to have an interesting way to say that...I love writing scary stories and episodes, and if you don't judge from what I just presented to you, I can say that I'm fairly good at it.

It's weird though; I get scared so easily. I got scared watching the trailer for The Orphan. I'm not even kidding. I think that since I know what scares me, I can write creepy stuff for other people to get scared of too. Maybe...

Hope everyone's having a good break! 

Sunday, December 18, 2011

That's crazy talk.

Anyone who knows me, knows that I'm not one to take stupid risks. Even if you don't know me very well, just by seeing me in class I probably don't seem like one that gets a thrill out of taking mindless risks.

When is it better to avoid risk?

I'll tell you. It's better to avoid risks when the after effects will create more problems than the happiness you'll get from taking the risk in the first place. I've never understood the thrill teenagers get out of sneaking out, or doing things their parents wouldn't approve of behind their backs. Maybe I'm a scaredy-cat, but even if I were to sneak out, the thought of being caught would consume me completely and I wouldn't even be able to focus on having fun. 

Plus there's the fact that I would most probably get caught. My parents wouldn't just ground me; they'd lose their trust in me completely. That's something I never want to risk. 

When is it good to take risks? I'm not trying to be pretentious and act all high and mighty because I don't take risks, or look down on people that do take the risks that I wouldn't. The risks I would take are ones that have a chance in positive feedback. I want to take risks like the ones where we have to take in our essay: there's a chance that I'll have a great essay, but there's also a chance that people will think of me differently. That's okay. At least there's a possibility that something good will come out of it.

Every risk is scary, though. 
There's the risk of going to college and pursuing an education that won't result in a good job for me. That's okay, I want to do it. If I didn't study what I loved and just studied something that would result in a successful career, I would be unhappy. That's a risk I'm willing to take. 

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Listen. Listen. Listen...SHUT UP!

This is so funny. And it has...a..kernel of truth (or maybe just a whole pound of it. A ton).

Monday, December 12, 2011

Hating Technology.

I am extremely upset right now.

Like, really really really upset. Pissed off, you could say.

Technology is being a little bitch to me right now. I'm just going to swear, because as my older blog post said: it's okay to swear when you feel really strongly about something, and I think that right now is a perfectly acceptable time to be doing so.

I made a vlog. For AP Comp. And I said stupid things and made a fool of myself, but I wanted to upload it because...why not? But then every single computer in my house linked elbows in a Red Rover fashion, blocking me from posting a video talking about things not many care about online. 

Maybe I'm over reacting. 

But am I?! This video is about 150 MB. 5:20 minutes. I've tried to upload it using three different computers, two types of editing software, and two types of file extensions to MAYBE make it work. But nope. 

Also I gave Google really sassy feedback, and it's all like "Submission failed. Please try again later."

Sunday, December 11, 2011

Let's talk Bruno Mars.

Let's take a minute to talk about the singer, Bruno Mars. 

If you don't know who this singer is, he's the guy that sings songs which make most girls make their status a lyric from the song with a  at the end (or a </3 if that's the way they want to let the world know they're feeling). If you're a guy, he's the one that makes your girlfriend have ridiculously high expectations of you, makes your girlfriend wonder why you don't want to catch a grenade for her, or tell her that her eyes, her eyes, her eyes, make the stars look like they're not shining.

Okay, so I'm not just talking about Bruno Mars. This post isn't really even about him, or songs like that.  It's about girls, and how they just turn into Taylor Swift whenever a boy gives them the slightest attention (I love Taylor Swift by the way. Shh Kira). If you're in ninth grade, I can bet you that your boyfriend will not marry you and have a million babies with you. No matter what. It won't happen. Just won't.

I actually feel really bad for boys. Obviously the average guy wouldn't want to bike to your house in the rain with five flower bouquets just so that he can tell you you're beautiful "just the way you are" (maybe i'm being extra cynical, but seriously...sometimes girls just do not look good, and would you rather have a guy lie to you so you can feel all happy and gooey inside?).
Have you guys heard the song "It Will Rain"? Here are some of the lyrics:

"Cause there'll be no sunlight
If I lose you, baby
There'll be no clear skies
If I lose you, baby
Just like the clouds
My eyes will do the same, if you walk away
Everyday it will rain"

What?! When I heard this song my face was like this ("If you ever leave me baby / Leave some morphine at my door" well what a freaking burden! How could you possibly leave him after that?!). Let's be honest, girls do want a guy that is head over heels for them, and it's sometimes sweet to think about. But euughh that would get on my nerves so much, the sense of constant clinginess that comes with Bruno Mars's words...

Why do girls do that? They practically throw their hearts at potential boyfriends, shoving it in their faces, "take it! Please! LOVE ME!" Yuck. Girls, please, take some advice from this girl.

Sorry. This post was kind of whiny and had no structure to it...but that's the order they came out of my brain, so we'll just leave it at that (heeey it adds to voice, right?...right...? No...? Okay).

Hilarious but sadly true:

Sunday, December 4, 2011


Left foot...right foot...left...right...left...right...

Those were the most of my worries nowadays. Keeping one foot in front of the other, making sure I kept walking. I couldn't succumb. It didn't matter to me that I had a sleeve missing, or that I didn't have a home. I could always go to the shelter for food, and as for lack of clothing in this cold...I grew up on a farm in Minnesota. I could handle it.


I was walking. Walking where? I wanted to fool myself into thinking I had a purpose; there was somewhere I was needed, someone that needed me. Everywhere I looked I saw couples hand in hand, children laughing; there was a man with a briefcase waiting for the bus. He was moving his foot so to let the last of the sun's rays dance and reflect off his shoes, tapping it around in a way that must've made his mother scold him so many years ago. I remembered when I let Layla take my car because hers broke down, and took the bus in my suit, waiting with my briefcase just like this man was waiting. Why was he taking the bus? Was it because he sacrificed not just his car, but so many other things for the ones he loved? Or another reason?

I kept moving. I saw a woman with a baby...a baby with soft blonde hair, waving her little arms around, her chubby pink cheeks stretched wide in a laugh. The woman seemed to not notice; didn't she know what she had? She waited for the light to change at the corner of Madison Avenue. I approached the mother daughter pair, wanting to pretend for a second that it was Layla and Reagan, two ladies that had been so important to me, but had left. I pretended that I was going to cross the street with them, we were all going to go out to lunch. I could sense the woman's uneasiness...this was all too much like how Layla was, a couple months before she left and took everything I called mine. The woman reached into her purse and pulled out money; I hadn't had money in so long.

She stretched her arm over her child's head to give it to me. I stared at it. Why was she giving this to me? Had I done anything to help her, had I done her any favors? No. She didn't need to give me anything and yet here she was, shaking the bill with the face of Alexander Hamilton, urging me to hurry up and take it so that she could go, because the light changed.

I reached up and took it.

Monday, November 28, 2011

That moment when... get called about a job interview. Should be a fantastic moment right? You should be jumping up and down with joy because you'll finally have a job (hopefully).

Yeah, IF YOU'RE 18.

I'm not amused. I had looked up the minimum age requirement for this one place, and it said 16...but turns out it's actually 18. Because everything fun and exciting happens when you're 18. Obviously.



So what I tried to do was...

1. Cause & Effect
2. Narration
3. Example
4. Description
5. Comparison/contrast
6. Process Analysis

Friday, November 25, 2011

You're so vain, you probably think this post is about you.

1. Even though hearing vain people talk about how pretty or successful they are can get irritating, it's also not good for that person either. Vanity makes people think they are invincible, and that there's nothing that can stop them from getting what they want. These people also usually think they can work as little as possible while they try to attain their goal, because they "already know" they'll be successful. By doing this, they're setting themselves up for failing one day, because they tried to breeze through and rely on their good luck to get what they want. It doesn't happen right away, but it almost always does in the end. Also, the people that think they're super hot...they too will be old someday (cool related image).

2. Vanity is not a cute quality. I can't walk into the bathroom without meeting a group of girls crowding around the mirror. It's almost impossible to catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror to make sure you don't have something on your face, or that your hair isn't sticking straight up. They look at you like "why are you even bothering?" and then continue to apply bronzer (you're already orange), lipstick (not natural looking in any way) and curl their hair (it's true). Even after they look what a normal person would classify as above average, they keep staring at themselves in the mirror, fixing a single curl so that it sits right. 

3. Narcissus, a hunter from Greek mythology, is the epitome of vanity. He though-t himself to be so good looking that he disparaged those that loved him the most, and thought he ranked much higher than them due to his good looks. His arrogance was not rewarding in the end, however; it is said that he was attracted to a pool by Nemesis, where he saw his reflection and fell in love with it, not realizing it his own reflection. He refused to leave, and eventually ended up dying there. This teaches us that when we're so obsessed with ourselves, it can be fatal. 

4. My hair is so soft. I could just run my fingers through it all never catches on any clumps because my hair is silky and perfect. Each individual hair kisses my fingers and then glides away. My hair falls perfectly across my forehead (unlike some girls at school, thank God) and didn't get in my eyes, the eyes that were made up perfectly this morning. My make up really helped them stand out against my complexion. Lovely! "Can you move? I need to look in the mirror too." A voice behind me said. Ugh, some people are so vain. I thought as I moved away (*this is made up, I swear).

5. Vanity is often confused with confidence, but there is a fine line separating the two. When a person is described as being vain, it's never done so with admiration, with a longing to be like that person. Confidence is when a person has high self esteem, and they are conscious of the things they're capable of. Confident people often have an air of self assurance, but its not done so in a flaunting manner. The term vanity has a negative connotation, and it basically means to have "an inflated pride in oneself or one's appearance" (cite!). There is a very thin line between confidence and vanity, but it is definitely there. 

6. Why are people vain? In my opinion, it's because they're insecure. When a person is insecure, they not only need others to compliment them, but they need to tell themselves that they're pretty or they're successful to feel like they're good enough. It makes sense: why else would an obviously attractive or smart person need to think of the obvious? There are many people who know they're beautiful or clever, but they don't feel the need to constantly reflect upon it every minute of every day.

Monday, November 21, 2011

How to: Instantly have voice in your writing.

I've figured out a quick fix when it comes to sounding like "you" in your writing.

Write whatever you need to write in your blog. I'm serious. I just typed a college supplemental essay right in this "New Post" section for my blog, because whenever I tried to handwrite it or even type it into Google Docs/Microsoft word, I said things like "I strongly believe" and "this would encourage" and who are we kidding, I don't talk like that. 

People would call me pretentious if I did. 

Too bad I figured this awesome trick out at 2:30 AM...

Sunday, November 20, 2011


Shaadi. This is the Pakistani/Indian word that means wedding.

Weddings in Pakistan (I'll focus on Pakistan because that's where I've seen weddings, and it's where I'm from. Also some of the things I talk about might not be common in India) can be described by many different things, but usually words like colorful and festive come to mind.

There are three main days that make up a shaadi. They are known as mendhi (pre-wedding party), barat (actual wedding day) and valima (after wedding party). These days aren't like...72 hours of constant partying. It's like each day is a celebration in its own.

My cousin Amna
that got married in  2008
When a Pakistani person hears the word "mendhi" with regards to the party (because it's also the word meaning henna) they immediately think yellow.

The bride-to-be wears all yellow, and a majority of the guests wear warm colors like yellows, oranges, and reds (it's not a requirement though...notice I am wearing green). There's fat yellow and orange marigolds and jasmine flowers decorating the entire place, and the bride is adorned in the jasmine flowers as well. They wear jewelry that's made out of flowers (as you can see on my cousin) and the smell is like a natural perfume.

Amna and my brother, Mustafa
Mendhis typically have a lot of loud, celebratory practices associated with it, such as playing the dohl that an experienced aunt sits and plays, and singing and dancing. Mendhis are usually a celebration that are just with one side of the wedding, such as the bride with her family or the groom with his family. The two families mingle for the first time at the barat.

The dances are usually groups of people that perform a dance they've been practicing for weeks. I did one at Amna's wedding, and it was a ton of fun.

My family on the day of Amna's barat.
The next day of the shaadi is the barat. This is the day when the bride wears deep maroon colors, and loads of heavy jewelry, and little girls always look at the bride with admiration because they look so beautiful and different from what they usually look like.

The groom wears a saafa on his head, and wears flowers (funny, right? How the guys wear flowers and not the girls, so different from "American" weddings).

Getting dressed up for this day as a guest and as a bride is fun, because you get to go all out. Almost nothing is "over-the-top" or "too-much" (notice the velvet components of my outfit? Yeah...just like that).
For girls that like getting all fancy, it's a dream come true.

Amna & Saif
The barat is the main component of the wedding ceremony, when the bride is officially given away to the groom as a part of his family from that day on. The bride and groom sit on a stage, and meet and take pictures with all the guests that have come to their wedding. They feel like famous people for a day, so what's not to love?

Amna & Saif
My Family
The last day of the wedding celebration is the valima. This like a really extreme after party, that needs to be held a day after the actual barat so that everyone, especially the bride and the groom, are able to enjoy it. The bride and groom are usually more relaxed and stress free on this day, because the actual wedding has taken place, and they can meet with their guests with more ease. The groom and other male guests usually wear suits, and the female guests wear a more relaxed type of outfit than what they wore for the barat. Dressing up is still important for a valima, but not as much as it is for the barat. The bride still has to wear the more complex outfit, but it can be of a different color. The
    The valima is really fun, because everyone's had a chance to meet and     get to know each other a bit more than they did at the barat, when it was awkward-first-time-meeting conversations.

I think that American weddings tend to be a much calmer affair, while Pakistani weddings are more rambunctious and boisterous event. Like I said, when one thinks of a Pakistani wedding, you think color. After reading this blog post, I bet you will too, am I right?

Sunday, November 13, 2011

Literally, this is a dope blog post.

When you think about it, it's amazing how people can manage to evolve things used in their daily lives, such as technology, music, etc. Even with concrete languages which should have set-in-stone definitions that are recognizable by most of the people that speak that language, slang creates a barrier. Usually pitched in between adolescents and adults, there are certain words that one generation would assume to mean one thing, while the other generation interprets it as something completely different.

You may have heard of Urban Dictionary. If you haven't, there's the link there (fair warning: there's a lot of inappropriate definitions). I thought it would be interesting to take the definitions of words that are common in teen slang and compare them to the definitions given in Merriam Webster.

Let's look at some examples:

Merriam Webster definition:
1 a : a thick liquid or pasty preparation
b : a preparation for giving a desired quality to a substance or surface
2 : absorbent or adsorbent material used in various manufacturing processes (as the making of dynamite)
3 a (1) : an illicit, habit-forming, or narcotic drug; especially :marijuana (2) : a preparation given to a racehorse to help or hinder its performance
b chiefly Southern : a cola drinkc : a stupid person
4 : information especially from a reliable source <the inside dope>

Urban dictionary, on the other hand:
People who do not do drugs call Marajuanna Dope.
People who do Marajuanna call Heroin Dope.
Word has also been used to describe how good somthing is.
Don't you be somkin' dope! ( AKA Marajuanna )
OMG, I smoke the green but I don't do dope ( AKA Heroin )
Man that car is dope!

Isn't that interesting? The "actual" meaning of the word dope is something, for the most part, very different from what teenagers would think it to be. Most adults would assume it to mean related to drugs when they first hear it, whereas teenagers would think it synonymous to "cool."

Other words:
Tight vs. Tight.
(It's cool because the primary slang meaning of this word is eighth on the "real" dictionary, whereas it's first on the other "slang" one. Also...the slang one has kind of a raunchy definition as one of them, so here's my warning to be careful.)
Sick vs. Sick.
(Very, very different.)
Fly vs. Fly.
(No similarities whatsoever.)
Hardcore vs. Hardcore.

And when they cross over? Well...

That's not the only way that language has evolved. One thing about language skewing that really pisses me of is when you use the word in what you think its in the right context but it. is. not!
Literally. Do you know what this means? Are you positive? Literally means what actually happened with NO exaggeration. So when someone says "Oh my God, you literally scared me to death!" Wow, are you sure? I'm pretty sure you're still alive, unless you're a ghost. Relating to this, this makes me laugh so hard.
Legitly. This is so not a word. At all (see? It's underlined). The word you are looking for is legitimately.

Another thing that has changed? Teenagers also really like to shorten their words. Time saving, obviously, we're so busy, right?:
Probs. Adorbs. Btdubs. Totes. Whatevs. Ohemgee. Presh.
Some of these make me really btdubs. I cannot stand that phrase, for some reason.

Anyways...whatevs. I totes literally love it when people make up new words...legit.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Words of Wisdom: Learning to be happy.

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
Phyllis Diller