friendships and relationships are strange.
in the process of getting to know someone and becoming their friend, we go through many stages. in the initial stages of being friends with someone, we have little expectations of a give-and-take relationship. we don't expect them to behave in any particular way to us, because the friendship is so new, we don't feel that they owe us in any way yet.
eventually, should this friendship progress and become more than surface level, you start to rely on them. you start to have certain expectations and believes about their behavior. you sacrifice for them, and they sacrifice for you, at least that is the expectation and hope.
as friendships progress, it is only natural that we create our own frame of mind as to what that relationship is supposed to provide for us. for example, as i become better and better friends with someone i may expect that they are my go to person to talk about my problems with and vent to. they might also vent to me. in this way, we have a give-and-take relationship that has formed, and which is obviously different from the relationship we had when we were initially introduced to one anther.
however, what happens when that person suddenly pulls back? they suddenly stop doing what you expect of them. and this may sound weird or unfair, but i don't mean it in a way that's like "this is the behavior i expect from you and you are never allowed to be upset or have a bad day or behave differently." i mean a drastic change in personality, from basically being really close friends to them suddenly deciding that you're not important anymore. almost overnight - not a natural growing apart.
when i was initially dealing with this, i wanted to punch myself because i was like "wow i completely wasted all this time and energy in a friendship that didn't even last." because my expectation was that this friendship would last a long time. that i would be able to rely on this friend for years to come.
i have come to find, though, that often times the purpose of a friendship or relationship may not be what we expect or like, but that doesn't mean we can't reap the benefits. sometimes, even though you think you will be friends for life with someone, the actual purpose of the relationship is to serve as a lesson. you might learn that you shouldn't give your heart to people that won't treat it well. that is the benefit. you will no longer make that mistake in the future, and the friendship that fell apart has served its purpose.
i feel like that's such a nice way to put the ending of some friendships to rest. like it is of course going to hurt, it's going to suck! but you can do it because you will be made stronger after learning the lesson that came from that friendship that fell apart.
just some thoughts i had. sorry if this post seems garbled, i am watching grey's anatomy at the same time and meredith got the shit beat out of her by a patient so that was insane, i typed it out in between covering my face and ears.
so yeah.
- f
in the process of getting to know someone and becoming their friend, we go through many stages. in the initial stages of being friends with someone, we have little expectations of a give-and-take relationship. we don't expect them to behave in any particular way to us, because the friendship is so new, we don't feel that they owe us in any way yet.
eventually, should this friendship progress and become more than surface level, you start to rely on them. you start to have certain expectations and believes about their behavior. you sacrifice for them, and they sacrifice for you, at least that is the expectation and hope.
as friendships progress, it is only natural that we create our own frame of mind as to what that relationship is supposed to provide for us. for example, as i become better and better friends with someone i may expect that they are my go to person to talk about my problems with and vent to. they might also vent to me. in this way, we have a give-and-take relationship that has formed, and which is obviously different from the relationship we had when we were initially introduced to one anther.
however, what happens when that person suddenly pulls back? they suddenly stop doing what you expect of them. and this may sound weird or unfair, but i don't mean it in a way that's like "this is the behavior i expect from you and you are never allowed to be upset or have a bad day or behave differently." i mean a drastic change in personality, from basically being really close friends to them suddenly deciding that you're not important anymore. almost overnight - not a natural growing apart.
when i was initially dealing with this, i wanted to punch myself because i was like "wow i completely wasted all this time and energy in a friendship that didn't even last." because my expectation was that this friendship would last a long time. that i would be able to rely on this friend for years to come.
i have come to find, though, that often times the purpose of a friendship or relationship may not be what we expect or like, but that doesn't mean we can't reap the benefits. sometimes, even though you think you will be friends for life with someone, the actual purpose of the relationship is to serve as a lesson. you might learn that you shouldn't give your heart to people that won't treat it well. that is the benefit. you will no longer make that mistake in the future, and the friendship that fell apart has served its purpose.
i feel like that's such a nice way to put the ending of some friendships to rest. like it is of course going to hurt, it's going to suck! but you can do it because you will be made stronger after learning the lesson that came from that friendship that fell apart.
just some thoughts i had. sorry if this post seems garbled, i am watching grey's anatomy at the same time and meredith got the shit beat out of her by a patient so that was insane, i typed it out in between covering my face and ears.
so yeah.
- f
This is so true. I think it's cool to think of friendships that way, and kind of live with no regrets about any relationship, even if it ended up hurting. I guess it's the most optimistic and proactive way to view it (and we all know I could use some help being less cynical, so this is really insightful).
ReplyDeleteAlso I love that you ended this post with the "-f" <3 it's so perfect.