Friday, July 8, 2016

I used to have a very strong and severe obsession with being liked.

I wanted everything I did, wore, said, to be liked and appreciated by everyone. It was important for me that no one dislike me or say anything about me. The idea of someone talking about me in any way was terrifying, so for this reason I would also lay low and not talk much so to avoid being a topic of conversation for anyone. I very clearly remember one time in ninth grade I wore gladiator sandals like this, and a friend made a passing comment on them like "whoa your shoes!" That was it. Nothing in her voice said that she disliked them or thought they were weird even. However, that one comment made me wish I had brought a different pair of shoes that drew less attention to myself.

As I get older, I realize how stupid this is. I think this is a common lesson people learn as they grow older: you can't worry and fret over what everyone says about you.

It's kind of beating a dead horse, but its so true that not everyone will like you. “You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there's still going to be somebody who hates peaches.” That and all the other cheesy quotes that seem like BS are just so true.

At this point in my life, if I feel that someone is not treating me with the kind of friendship I treat them with, that's it. I distance myself from them because crying over relationships where you care more than they do is just a waste of energy. I learned this the hard way a month ago. I can't pull fake BS and act one way to someone's face and then not actually value their friendship. That's just not me, and in my opinion I feel like that is kind of two faced. There is nothing wrong with being civil and polite, but if you don't want to hang out with me, for example, do not text me "we should hang out!" because I have no time or energy to waste in these fake interactions.

When I feel that a friendship can be salvaged or I truly value a friendship, I have learned to call out BS that upsets me, or ask if I made a mistake when I feel like the other person is distancing themselves from me. I don't believe in just ending friendships over small misunderstandings. However, at that point the ball is in the other person's court. If you continue to make those same mistakes, or you say "nothing is wrong" and continue to act distant, there is nothing that can be done at that point. The interactions and fakeness are now a waste of time.

I hope I don't sound bitchy in this blogpost. The fact of the matter is that I refuse to beat myself up over people that don't care. Because at the end of the day, you are spending your energy in worrying over the friendship, while they don't care. They are living in your head rent-free, and no one should have that power over you.

Honestly I have decided that I choose myself first, and am trying to live my life by the following quote: "other people give me their observation, and I give it meaning. I get to choose what that meaning is." Ugh, i love that. It is so empowering.


- F

1 comment:

  1. This doesn't sound bitchy, this shows you're a really strong person. I love that.